Friday, February 29, 2008

Dont Pay Attention to the Wo-Man behind that curtian

Dont Pay Attention to the Wo-Man behind that curtian......
I am one of those! Yes,a why am I here and what is the meaning to life?I have yet to be gratified with the answer. Some might say my husband,kids and so on ...YES I know all those! The over all picture is why I am searching.I am No one of importance,I am different and unique just like the rest of the world!I wish I could say that I have had some really cool things happen in my life,but I can not. I am a plain jane woman. No living in a fantasy world for me for I am a realist. I do feel at times that I am wasting my youth on the boredom of daily life. JUST existing,not living!OR is this the life meant for me...Maybe I cant deal with too much excitement. MAYBE I AM BORING! If I sit around and have to much time to think..I feel I will go insane with these thoughts..When I know I am a happy outgoing person. I have to much time on my hands.
Sometimes I just feel alot of anger! I want to screammmmmmmm out help me! Why am I angry? I have a good life.
Sometimes I feel lost and hopeless...why I know where I am and where I am going!
Sometimes I feel alot of resentment towards others. Altough I would not even want or need to be them.
Are these just natural human feelings ?
I am not depressed or bi-polar..or even skitz..just a normal average everyday woman needing to be stimulated!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Our Greatest Fears.....

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?
You are a child of God, small games do not work in this world. For those around us to feel peace, it is not example to make ourselves small. We were born to express the glory of god that lives in us. It is not in some of us, it is in all of us. While we allow our light to shine, we unconsciously give permission for others to do the same. When we liberate ourselves from our own fears, simply our presence may liberate others.’
- Marianne Williamson in Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles

Friday, February 22, 2008

Just plain Tired

I guess the reasoning behind me blogging is to get my feelings out and deal with them..Not many people know about this blog of mine . I am probably going to say a few things that I should not...
I am sick of giving a crap !! I am really sick of feeling like the "other" woman! I know this sounds terrible but I have paid my dues! I am a strong woman with a very forcible opinion. I am selling all the goods in my house..I want my own things. I am really putting myself out here people so please no back stabbing me!
I have insecurity issues with Lyman and I always have. It is not him that does things he is just a niave man. I love him with all of my heart. I always have since I was 19! I want my own bed,dishes,flatware...etc....I had all of that stuff but I gave it up to move here...I still am not comfortable living in this house that I didnt buy. Mind you I have dealt with the sufferings of paying the mortgage and dealing with all the house things we women do alot longer than she did ! she was only here for 2 months!!!
I am Mad at myself for putting myself in this situation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY didnt he ever buy me all these things? I mean we were married along time ..I think it is becuase material things really of no importance to me....but I do feel strange knowing that when use the salt shakers I didnt buy them or even pick them out!! THEY ARE NOT MY THINGS!
I have asked her to stop calling him and texting him...she doesnt have any connections to him except she is money hungry and thinks we are getting alot of money from the GOVERNMENT...HA HA HA that is a funny sentence ...He has to pay her 5000.00 for divorcing him...WHEN SHE spent all of his life savings and SHE LEFT HIM for really no good reason(took most of everything)plus he paid her the income tax last year ,becasue I wasnt even in the picture then for real!! SHe said it was becuase she had to live in my shadow....well darlin you think you would see the signs before you married him that he loved me....How many men keep all of their ex wifes rings including the wedding ones? Most dishes? pictures? blankets that were made love under many many times? alot of things! SO PLEASE it has been well over a year now...and they were only married a little over a year! SO dont freakin tell me when I ask you to leave him alone that when we get what little the gov is going to give us I personally will bring it or send it to your skanky butt that your going to come get YOUR things becuase GUESS what they are not your things they are his things !You want the bed we make love in come and get it!He does not really care and I cant tell him these thing becuase i am afraid to hurt his feelings. But she is a bitch and crawls under my skin that she even thinks that I could give a shit about her things? That is why he LOVES me and always has...he told me he was happy when I came back becuase he could stop trying to replace me! I am ready to move back to Texas so that I can work and make my own that confident woman again, instead of this shell of a woman that doesnt give a care anymore.I am NOT the other woman and never have been ...YOU were!
I am really a nice person, quiet and usualy gentle until you piss me off! SO STAND BACK!